Still pulling at my heart strings as usual.

Sorry haven't written anything here in awhile. I had nothing really interesting to say until now.

I'll start from the beginning.

I was making plans with my friend called Chemistry about a trip with her and a few other people to town. It sounded fun alot better than going to Millie's house & sitting in akward silence.I was pretty excited about going so I changed my msn personal message to something like 'yay towns going to be fun'. Then Millie's msn name starts flashing up,i click it to see what she's saying & she asks me 'are you going to town with the others?' all I replied was 'yea'. I was about to sign out because it was pretty late around 3am and all of a sudden her msn name starts flashing again. I clicked it,to my horror it was a paragraph of abuse from her to me because apparently i was excluding her from going to town with us. Firstly it wasn't my idea & secondly she's been barely talking to me so why should I invite somebody that doesn't acknowledge me?
I informed her that it wasn't my plan & that she should tell Chemistry & not me,but no.The abuse kept coming,so did my tears strolling down my face.I was so shocked,I couldn't believe it. She was sacraficing everything we've been through over town? I ended the conversation with 'I hope you can live with the guilt of ruining our friendship' and I signed out. I cried myself to sleep that night,I will never forget it.
Anyway next day was pretty normal,I went to town with my real friends. I told them all about Millie & how evil and cruel she was to me.They backed me up and I was so relieved. I had a great day in town thanks to them.

*
Today was quite embarassing for me. At around 1pm I decided to go on my laptop,because my friend had just left as she stayed over the night before. My msn started flashing it was aj.He's a decent guy,I mean he has let me down in the past but he is innocent at heart so I can forgive him for it. Well we started talking and our conversation started to get deep. I was reading twilight by this time and I was telling him how I wish I had an Edward Cullen of my own. He just found it amusing,he told me how much he was in love with his ex girlfriend.It touched me to see how in love he was,and all I could think about was him. Not Aj but you know the one that constantly pulls on my heartstrings? Yes that one. Well I started telling AJ how I felt about him. He told me I should tell him how I felt but to be honest I thought it was quite pointless at the time. Then guess who signs in just as I'm talking about him? I instantly produced a big cheesy grin as I seen his screen name flash. I hate it,how he has such power of me,I like to be in control.
I finally got the courage to tell him how I felt.I felt that he needed to know,he is my best friend,I tell him everything. I want him to know well atleast I thought I did at the time.He started asking me what I was thinking about so I thought 'perfect I'll tell him now'. It took me awhile to tell him,a good 20minutes or so. He already knew by the time I replied that it was him that I was thinking about. I admitted it with a simple sentence 'I still like you'. My heart suddenly started beating rapidly and i instantly hid the msn screen so I couldn't see his reply. I was so embarassed beyond belief and I was nearly hyperventilating. "What did I just say?" - I kept saying to myself.
I eventually became brave enough to click on his window to see what he replied,it was simply 'awwh' and as dense as I am I told him how embarassed I was and he simply replied "please don't be,I'm glad you told me". I basically started admitting a few other things for example "your smile makes my heart melt" which is rather embarassing,but I want him to know.I just have a feeling that he needs to know.
I feel so much better now,it's like a weight's been lifted off my shoulder. Atleast now when I get a rush of jealousy he will know why and not question it. Thank god.